Sharpen your number 2 pencil, because it’s time to take the official “That’s Another Story” P.A.T. (Parental Aptitude Test). For each of the following questions, choose the answer that best describes how you would react to the given scenario. When you’re done, we’ll add up your score and see what your parenting style is.
1. It’s time to plan your son’s sixth birthday party. When you sit down with him to write the guest list, he includes the girl in his class that is rumored to spend a lot of time in the principal’s office. Your son really likes her, but you are worried that she’ll ruin the party with her bad behavior. What do you do?
A. Invite her anyway. How bad can she be? Maybe the teacher just doesn’t know how to handle her in the classroom.
B. Send an invitation to her and another one to the school principal. Since they already have an established relationship, maybe he can keep an eye on her while you greet the guests, serve the milk and carrot sticks, and cut the sugar-free cake.
C. You don’t have the patience to deal with a badly behaved child at the party. Instead, tell your son that you invited the girl but she couldn’t come. A little white lie won’t hurt at his age.
2. You’ve just finished straightening your daughter’s room, and you’ve found an alarming number of candy wrappers shoved under her bed. Do you…
A. Wait…you were cleaning her room? She’s supposed to do that every weekend. Isn’t that why she gets an allowance? Besides, a little candy couldn’t hurt. She’s got great teeth and she could stand to gain a few pounds.
B. Immediately call your mother to complain again about how she spoils the kids. No matter how many times you’ve told her that your eight year old can’t have hard candy, she’s constantly putting Werther’s Originals in your daughter’s pocket, her purse, her backpack, and her desk.
C. Throw away the trash and see if you can find an unopened Kit Kat for yourself.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
The Birds and the Bees
Did you know there are three gentlemen’s clubs in New York City? That’s what my 8-year-old daughter Sister Bear told me. She said she found this out by reading signs on taxis when we were visiting Manhattan last month. And in case you need a night out next time you’re in the city, the three clubs are called New York Dolls, Private Eyes, and Flash Dancers.
When she first told me this information during a New York City trivia game we invented, I was completely stunned. Sister Bear is a reader and she told me she reads every word that passes in front of her. Apparently that includes signs on the top of taxis driving forty miles an hour down Broadway.
At the time, part of me wanted to ask her what she thought gentleman’s clubs were. I imagined her innocent response would most likely give us a good laugh. But in the long run, I decided it wasn’t even worth the laugh. I just hoped she’d forget the whole thing.
I am thankful that the subject of S-E-X has not come up often with my 8-year-old or 5-year-old. We have done our best to shelter them from the blatant sexuality that the media throws at us every day. We limit television to kids’ shows or Food Network or the Discovery Channel and we flip channels during the Viagra and Victoria’s Secret commercials. For my part, I have taken to keeping People magazine in my desk drawer lest they sneak a peek at the cover and ask why Tiger Woods is such a bad guy and why Elin is thinking of leaving him. But still, it seems like you can run, but you can’t hide. Eventually they are going to hear something at school or see a commercial on TV and start asking questions.
When she first told me this information during a New York City trivia game we invented, I was completely stunned. Sister Bear is a reader and she told me she reads every word that passes in front of her. Apparently that includes signs on the top of taxis driving forty miles an hour down Broadway.
At the time, part of me wanted to ask her what she thought gentleman’s clubs were. I imagined her innocent response would most likely give us a good laugh. But in the long run, I decided it wasn’t even worth the laugh. I just hoped she’d forget the whole thing.
I am thankful that the subject of S-E-X has not come up often with my 8-year-old or 5-year-old. We have done our best to shelter them from the blatant sexuality that the media throws at us every day. We limit television to kids’ shows or Food Network or the Discovery Channel and we flip channels during the Viagra and Victoria’s Secret commercials. For my part, I have taken to keeping People magazine in my desk drawer lest they sneak a peek at the cover and ask why Tiger Woods is such a bad guy and why Elin is thinking of leaving him. But still, it seems like you can run, but you can’t hide. Eventually they are going to hear something at school or see a commercial on TV and start asking questions.
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