Saturday, July 31, 2010

Hand Me The Remote

The kids will be headed back to school in less than a month and after a long summer of staying up late, parents will finally regain control of the remote during prime time. Because of my vast experience watching television, the staff at “That’s Another Story” nominated me to preview some of the fall’s best new TV shows and report back with my findings.

“Vampire Mom”
Research has shown that viewers of all ages can’t get enough of vampire dramas. This fall, television executives are launching a record number of these shows and the best amongst the group is “Vampire Mom.” The hour-long drama stars Molly Ringwald as a young hip mother who turns into a blood-sucking vampire after she’s tucked in her five-year-old twins. In an Emmy-worthy episode, Ringwald decides she’s tired of hiding her vampire alter-ego and invites her neighbors over for a friendly game night…after dark. Despite applying about a case of Lancome bronzer and exhibiting a heroic amount of self-restraint, our heroine can’t hide her fangs and the party ends in a bloodbath.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Camp Grandma

Dear Mom and Dad,

                It was so nice of you to offer to host the children for another week of Camp Grandma this summer. The kids even came up with a motto! “We love Camp Grandma ‘cause Grandpa’s there, too.” They are really looking forward to spending some special time with both of you.
When you signed the lease at Maple Shady Acres it specifically said that guests under the age of 55 were only permitted to stay three consecutive nights. Do you think it will be okay for the kids to stay longer? We don’t want to get you in trouble with the management. (Especially after that raucous pool party you hosted last summer when your other former hippie friends were arrested for...well, you know.)
Before we drop the children off, we just wanted to remind you of a few simple things you’ll need to watch out for. There has been a lot of progress in the field of child development since the days when you raised me. And I don’t need to remind you that the world has become a much more dangerous place. We have a few suggestions that will help everyone stay safe and healthy. And maybe even have fun!