Worrying about worrying

It wasn't until April 6, 2005 that I learned that mothers have an uncanny ability to worry. That's the day we took my son to the pediatrician because he wouldn't stop crying. Duh - it turns out he wasn't getting enough oxygen. He was admitted to the hospital, diagnosed with asthma, and prescribed a nebulizer that we've used virtually every day since. That's 3,303 days of worrying, nebulizing, and beating myself up for not knowing my own child wasn't breathing properly.

Since then, I've added many other worries to my repertoire. Some are plausible but most are things that are not likely to ever actually happen. Will I ever be wrongfully accused of a crime and sentenced to life in prison? Probably not. But if I do, I imagine I will have the spirit of Morgan Freeman in "The Shawshank Redemption." I'll wear faded denim overalls and a baseball cap with a frayed brim as I kick the dust in the sunny prison yard and pontificate on prison life. "Get busy living or get busy dying," I'll tell my rapt audience of felons. My letters home will be written in the same handwriting I used regularly in first grade, my academic skills somehow having been lost during my imprisonment. "Dear family, I'm sorry for what I done..."

Okay, I admit I've probably spent a little too much time on that particular worry.

Everyday I've got a slew of new worries. Today, I find myself reading about friends with the stomach bug and fearing I will be its next victim. Never mind that I've already had the stomach bug this winter and I haven't had physical contact with anyone who is sick. I'm still paying acute attention to my stomach's every toss and turn, anticipating that you-can't-turn-back-now nauseous feeling.

Truth is, there will always be something to worry about. No matter how many times I tell myself my worries are irrational, I still worry. I've read that the trick is to keep your worries in check by focusing on the many blessings life has already given you. I also tell myself that if the worst should happen, I'm strong enough to get through it and come out a better person on the other side. I've had the stomach bug before, and if I come down with it again this week, I'll feel better soon.

Also, I am thankful I've been blessed with the resources to hire a good lawyer if the occasion ever arises, and even if the worst happens, the prison-issue overalls will probably look pretty cute.