R.S.V.P.

If you have a child over one year old, you’ve probably had at least one birthday party for them. It’s one of those events that is well worth the hard work you put into it. When you see your child happily enjoying their friends, squishing cake in their face, or smiling to see their new gifts, you realize that birthdays are a milestone worthy of a good party.

As I’ve talked to my friends over the past few weeks, I’ve realized that there are many people, myself included, who struggle with one particular part of the planning: getting RSVP’s. It seems like a day or two before the party, there are a few people who still haven’t responded. No phone call. No voice mail messages. No e-mail. Nothing. You finally decide that if they haven’t called, they’re not coming. Right?

Not necessarily. My friend Frances recently had a birthday party for her daughter at the bowling alley. When 3 kids didn’t bother to RSVP, she assumed they couldn’t make it. Needless to say, she was pretty surprised when these kids actually showed up to the party. The staff at the bowling alley had to come up with seats and food for the kids, and Frances had to try to appease the staff while scrambling for extra treat bags.

In my opinion, Frances did the right thing. I guess she could have called those people to double-check. Or, she could have just packed up a few extra treat bags and told the bowling alley staff to add a few extra place settings just in case. But Frances is a busy mother and she made the easiest and most logical decision.

Clearly the parents of those 3 kids are not as logical as Frances. Was it that hard to pick up the phone? Has their e-mail been down for the last 2 weeks? How could you forget to RSVP but remember to come to the party?

Maybe they don’t know the meaning of RSVP. According to my research, it is an abbreviation for
the French phrase “Respondez, s’il vous plait,” meaning, “can’t you just find five seconds to email or pick up the dang phone and let us know if your kid is coming…please?”

In an effort to restore a little etiquette to the birthday parties of 2009, I have devised several different strategies for dealing with these situations:
1. New and improved invitations There are a number of ways to avoid the RSVP problem right off the bat. Instead of using the standard “RSVP” at the bottom of the invitation, offer incentives. “Call now and your child will receive extra Skittles in their treat bag!” How about adding “Call now! Space is limited!” Check with Hallmark to see if they make one of those “singing” cards that would play Blondie’s 80’s hit “Call Me.”
2. Revenge You can only hope that your child will get invited to their party. Since you know they’re free and easy way with responses, don’t think you can just forget to RSVP to their party. That won’t mean anything. Instead, forget to RSVP, bring your two younger kids along as well, tell the hostess that all your kids are highly allergic to their dogs and insist that they keep the dogs outside during the party. That will teach them about inconvenience!
3. Passive aggression Perhaps you’d like to show your annoyance with this family without coming on too strongly. When it’s time for cake, pretend you don’t hear the kid ask for a piece with extra frosting. At game time, give him an extra spin or two before Pin the Tail on the Donkey. When it comes time to mail the thank you notes, you could “forget” to put on a stamp or use the wrong zip code so it takes a long time for the note to arrive.
4. Plain old aggression On the other hand, there’s nothing wrong with coming on strong. On party day, hire a bouncer who will check the name of each child who RSVP’ed off of a guest list. If anyone isn’t on the list, instruct the bouncer to blockade the door. If the parents try to slip the bouncer $20 to get in, have the bouncer threaten to call 911.

So, the next time your kid gets a party invitation, you better not forget to RSVP. Put it on the refrigerator, the bulletin board, or on your “to do” list. It only takes a moment of your time and it means a lot to the person on the other side.

I’ll be mailing the invitations for my son’s party in a few weeks. I’d hate for you to have to meet my husband’s cousin Snake at the front door.